Trauma, Sexual Abuse and Memory

48 million Americans in the United States were molested as children. It is believed that up to 25% of adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse or 12 million Americans forget the abuse for part of their lives. They have amnesia. This seems incredible, right. How can so many people forget some of the most horrific things that are done to them?

Trauma is a life-threatening attack. So, you go into survival mode. That’s fight, flight, fawn, or freeze. It is a physiological response. You do not control how your body reacts to trauma.

The body is wired to help you survive. If remembering what happened the night before is not going to help you do well in school the next day or make it through breakfast without a fight or a breakdown, then that memory is not essential for survival. First, you survive before it is safe to remember.

If the adult abuser was a respected authority figure in your household, extended family, sports team, neighborhood, church, or school then no one would have believed you. Then there was essentially no one to tell. When you are a child and no one will listen or care about what happened to you, then forgetting is the only viable option.  

Trauma is about survival.

Trauma is about disassociation, which is an escape when there is no physical escape.

Trauma is about disconnection from self, from the memory, and from the abuser, but also a disconnection from people who could help you.

Memory is about attachment and human connection

Memory is about connecting the mind and body.

Memory is about having someone listening to the truth and believing you.

Memory is about having an audience and trust in other humans and yourself.

Truth is a luxury once you have survived the trauma and can begin to remember.

Re(member)ing is about coming back to your body and to yourself once you have survived.

Re(member)ing is about telling someone the truth who will believe you and listen with empathy.

It is not your fault as a child for not remembering the trauma or not telling anyone. It is your lack of connection to people in the past who would have cared, believed, protected, or listened to you. You forget until you find safety and a connection with a person who will listen.

Trauma is about disconnection and disassociation.

Memory and healing are all about (re)connection.